Au Revoir Facebook

This will be short and sweet! I left Facebook for good after giving it up for Lent. I was able to live without it then, and will be able to do so again for good I should hope. With this decision I have also decided to try blogging again!! We shall see if it sticks. :) That's all for now.

Streams in the Desert

This morning over my Honey Nut Cheerios I flipped open my Streams in the Desert devotional and was so ministered to by what I read. I just had to share it:

Blessed are all who wait for him! (Isaiah 30:18)

I longed to walk along an easy road,

And leave behind the dull routine of home,

Thinking in other fields to serve my God;

But Jesus said, "My time has not yet come."

I longed to sow the seed in other soil,

To be unshackled in the work, and free,

To join with other laborers in their toil;

But Jesus said, "It's not My choice for thee."

I longed to leave the desert, and be led

To work where souls were sunk in sin and shame,

That I might win them; but the Master said,

"I have not called you, publish here My name."

I longed to fight the battles of my King,

Lift high His standards in the thickest strife;

But my great Captain had me wait and sing

Songs of His conquests in my quiet life.

I longed to leave the hard and difficult sphere,

Where all alone I seemed to stand and wait,

To feel I had some human helper near,

But Jesus had me guard one lonely gate.

I longed to leave the common daily toil,

Where no one seemed to understand or care;

But Jesus said, "I choose for you this soil,

That you might raise for Me some blossoms rare."

And now I have no longing but to do

At home, far away, His blessed will,

To work amid the many or the few;

Thus, "choosing not to choose," my heart is still.

Slowly learning to see...

I'm sitting here at my desk feeling quite perturbed with...life.

I was on facebook earlier and found myself reading a long dialog between some of the kids in Youth Group. They are all the same age and have all grown up in church. I wish I could say that their dialog was cute and humorous, and maybe it was to the average outsider, but it grieved my heart. They were nit-picking at one another. All clamoring to be heard and to be justified. It reeked of immaturity and I could probably pass it off as that. But as their Youth Leader I desire to call them to a higher standard, to raise the bar. I refuse to look at their behavior and chalk it up as a result of their age. Anyone can be tricked into the same sort of dialog and nit-picking behavior. I'll raise my hand in admittance to the fact that I too can be deceived and I too can fall into the same immature behaviors that I'm seeing depicted in the kids in the Youth Group.

We judge and find fault in one another so hastily. It's easy to do since we are imperfect people. But I think that is what we must remember, we are ALL flawed, we are ALL imperfect and we are ALL weak, so if we tend to point our fingers at others then we are hypocrites.

Romans 14 has been on my heart for like the past two weeks. I haven't been able to grasp the full meaning in my ESV version so I checked it out in the Message which made it alot more clear! I pretty much included the whole chapter, but it's all so good!!

"Welcome with open arms fellow believers who don't see things the way you do. And don't jump all over them every time they do or say something you don't agree with—even when it seems that they are strong on opinions but weak in the faith department. Remember, they have their own history to deal with. Treat them gently.

^10-12So where does that leave you when you criticize a brother? And where does that leave you when you condescend to a sister? I'd say it leaves you looking pretty silly—or worse. Eventually, we're all going to end up kneeling side by side in the place of judgment, facing God. Your critical and condescending ways aren't going to improve your position there one bit. Read it for yourself in Scripture:

"As I live and breathe," God says,
"every knee will bow before me;
Every tongue will tell the honest truth
that I and only I am God."
So tend to your knitting. You've got your hands full just taking care of your own life before God.

^13-14Forget about deciding what's right for each other. Here's what you need to be concerned about: that you don't get in the way of someone else, making life more difficult than it already is. I'm convinced—Jesus convinced me!—that everything as it is in itself is holy. We, of course, by the way we treat it or talk about it, can contaminate it.

^17-18God's kingdom isn't a matter of what you put in your stomach, for goodness' sake. It's what God does with your life as he sets it right, puts it together, and completes it with joy. Your task is to single-mindedly serve Christ. Do that and you'll kill two birds with one stone: pleasing the God above you and proving your worth to the people around you. ^19-21So let's agree to use all our energy in getting along with each other. Help others with encouraging words; don't drag them down by finding fault. You're certainly not going to permit an argument over what is served or not served at supper to wreck God's work among you, are you? I said it before and I'll say it again: All food is good, but it can turn bad if you use it badly, if you use it to trip others up and send them sprawling. When you sit down to a meal, your primary concern should not be to feed your own face but to share the life of Jesus. So be sensitive and courteous to the others who are eating. Don't eat or say or do things that might interfere with the free exchange of love.

^22-23Cultivate your own relationship with God, but don't impose it on others. You're fortunate if your behavior and your belief are coherent. But if you're not sure, if you notice that you are acting in ways inconsistent with what you believe—some days trying to impose your opinions on others, other days just trying to please them—then you know that you're out of line. If the way you live isn't consistent with what you believe, then it's wrong.

If the kids in my Youth Group and if I were to truly take this scripture to heart I think we would experience a level of unity that we have never experienced before! I have seen the power and beauty that radiates from a group of people who are unified. It's a glorious thing and I SOO desire that in my life!

I have been asking God to teach me how to love better. Alot of this is so that I can love Israel better, but as God has instructed me and has opened my eyes to different things, its not just affecting my relationship with Israel. It's affecting how I look and treat everyone around me! Praise God!

With the day and age that we are in we should not waste our time trying to find fault in each other. We should put all our energy into loving each other and doing good for one another. We must regard one-another as more important than ourselves (Philippians 2:3). We must put on love (Colossians 3:14). When I put on my shoes to go running, I don't just put my shoes on and then remain seated, I put them on so that I can RUN. So when we put on love, then we must take action. We must be patient with each other, we must be kind, we must be generous!

Sigh. This is what I'm learning and what I hope to grow in.

just a few random thoughts...

Israel and I don't have very many pictures together, but the other day I was able to manage this one! :) It makes my heart happy. Hopefully there will be more to come!

Sigh. It is absolutely beautiful outside! Just now I ran out to my car barefooted and loved it! :) I have never been very fond of shoes, so when my bare feet hit the pavement outside, I felt alive and free! haha.

The weather here in Missouri is so weird and annoying. Just two days ago there was snow and ice on the ground. My mom loves the four seasons that we get here in the great ol' Midwest...I on the other hand wouldn't mind a bit if I just had spring and summer and maybe a lil bit of fall 24/7. :)

I'm getting ready to head to my Grandmas to watch Lost the Final Season. So far it has been just as ridiculous and absurd as the other seasons...I just can't get enough of it though.

In other news, next week I'm heading to Tampa with my bestest buddy, Jessica Ryall. We are sure to have a wild time together...we always do. I am so looking forward to catching up with her as well as soaking in some sunshine and playing in the ocean. O my love!

Also, I have bangs again! For about a year I've just been pulling my hair back out of my face and I've finally gotten tired of it. So I got my front hairs chopped a lil. I like it!!

Well, I suppose that's it for now. I don't want to keep my Grandma waiting!!

I'm back!

Wow, it has been almost a year since my last post. I'm bored here at work and so I mozied over to check out a few of my friends blogs...still updated. Rats! I'm the only slacker!

So here I am, behind on all the happenings of life, but will attempt to try and remain on course from now on.

I don't feel too inspired at the moment...

More or less just needed to break the ice.

More to come, I'm sure!

Loving my neighbor...

So I've decided that loving others is just plain hard.
I'm in a season in my life where God is really challenging me to love others more deeply. I'm a pretty relational person, I like people and hate to be alone for very long. But sometimes I get this panicky feeling in the pit of my stomach when I think about someone getting close to me. When this happens I just want to shut myself away somewhere to hide. Here recently, I'd say within the last month or so, I've realized that there is this side to me that is just plain cold hearted. I've never thought too much about it, just thought I was just pretty emotionally strong. But then this "side" of me hurt the feelings of one of my dearest friends. Thankfully, she had the guts to confront me. I heard her out then went to my sister to see if she could verify any of what my friend said. I asked her if I could be intimidating, unapproachable or hard. To which she said yes. She said that it was always a tragedy to be on my "bad side." She said that it was never anything I would say or do, it was just a "vibe" that I sent out. This vibe stated, "I have walled you out, you can't touch me." As she spoke these words I felt a grief within my Spirit and that I needed to pay attention because the Lord was at work.
For the past 4 years the Lord has taken me on a journey where He has continually worked to tenderize me. I have had many victories along the way and have felt that I have made much progress but this current issue seems to be rooted quite deep within me. I feel that it is generational. An issue that has been woven quite intricately through the pattern of my family. This walling someone out stance is not something I consciously do, but an immediate thoughtless reaction. So when I was confronted on this issue, it overwhelmed me because I could feel how deeply this was rooted and therefore felt powerless to change. I could liken how I felt to how someone would feel if they were given the task of chopping down a large oak tree with a butter knife.
After processing this issue with my sister, who confessed to dealing with it too, we prayed. I felt no grief or shame, merely just the pressing of the Holy Spirit to take the first step...repentance.
Weeks later, which brings me to this present time, I'm faced with this desire to draw close to others and to allow others to draw close to me. This desire terrifies me.
Even this morning at church some of the kids in my youth group gathered around me to talk and I felt an overwhelming love for them. But with this love, pain, because I feel that God has given me a measure of discernment and insight into the condition of their hearts. Some of these hearts are rebellious and indifferent towards the Lord. They don't care about the things of God, they just want to gratify their fleshly wants. The ache I felt for these youth was so intense that I wanted to cry. Ugh!

Man if only I could love without there being any pain or discomfort along with it. This is why loving others is so dang hard! It hurts so much to care and to be moved emotionally because of the depth of what you feel. How did Jesus do it?! How did Jesus give of Himself to so many? How was He so approachable? How was He able to love Judas even though He knew Judas would betray Him in the worse possibly way? It's so scary to love that freely...to be that open. But yet I desire it...I crave it. I would like so much to hug the balance beam and leave the walking and leaping to the professionals. Hugging the balance beam seems so much more safe and comfortable. But no, there's no way that I can be content with that sort of safe lifestyle. Not when the Spirit of God is passionately at work in this area of my life. I've always admired people who are open and loving towards everyone. Who make you feel so comfortable in their presence and who give of themselves so freely. I want that! I want to live a radical life for Christ. To take risks and go against the grain. Stand and leap on the balance beam that I may attain a good score from the ultimate Judge. That I might hear the words, "well done My good and faithful servant. You lived and loved well."
Ah, I want that more than anything. But goodness is it hard to put action behind that want and desire. Dear God, help me.

Where to start....

Where to start indeed...

Four days ago I was enjoying the sunshine on the beach of Destin, Florida. To try and recap my time there would be too overwhelming.
As I've had four days to process my time spent away from home I am flooded with one captivating thought that I feel sums it all up - God is GOOD.
I, along with Arica, my mom, Li, and Brenda didn't just get a much needed vacation but received a gift from the heart of God.
I have never been on a prayer sabbatical with my mom and Li before last week and wow was it amazing. We had no plan or schedule. We ate when we were hungry, slept when we were tired and played when we so desired. Most of all we delighted ourselves in the Lord each and every day. We believed that we would encounter Him and would see Him move each day. And guess what! He did!
I have no grand stories or tales to relay, only that God did a very sweet work in my heart, mind and soul. He saturated me with His love.
Day One of our time in Destin my mom asked Arica and I what our three "Rs" were. Mine were: Rest, Receive and Risk.
I believe I experienced and lived each one of those "Rs."
I have always loved the verse in Ephesians 3:20, "Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us."
I didn't really have too many expectations for this trip beyond my three "Rs" and God totally took what I put out there and did so much more than I could have ever dreamed.
I was able to rest in the best way possible. I felt taken care of and content and full of joy. I was able to receive from the Lord and others because I had time to do so. "Whatever, Lord, have Your way." I was also able to risk. This wasn't in the physical or emotional but more spiritually speaking. I felt pressed to believe, dream and pray BIG and in that I would receive Big. It was so much fun!!
I feel that alot of this is jumbled. I guess in a nutshell and to sum it all up - I love Jesus and was able to experience a level of intimacy on this trip that I have never known. I came back smiling and with a glow from the sun and the Son. :)