simple expressions...

So a few Sundays ago I took the youth group to St. Charles, MO. to the Winterjam concert. Boy was that an adventure. We stood outside in the FREEZING cold for about 2 hours. Then like a herd of elephants we made our way into the arena for the big show to begin. It was packed...10,000 people in one place! After waiting for that long outside we still didn't get good seats. We were in the nose bleed section. Poor us. ANYWAY, it was a pretty sweet concert...if I were to view it in the eyes of a teenager. My lovely friend Arica came with and we both agreed that we felt old. :)
After the concert we then made our way to a McDonalds for a late supper. Out of everything that happened that day, what took place at McDonalds is what stands out to me the most.
We were waiting in line to order our food and I was excited! I'm always excited about food, but on this night it was more than the food. It was the fact that I was around teenagers and that the day (our first youth outing together) had gone successfully. In my excitement I did a little hop-thing. I've done this since I was a kid, its how I express myself when I'm really excited and overjoyed about something. I thought nothing of it...until one of the youth boys, Colin, called me out on it. He said, "Leanne, you hopped. I've never seen you do that before."
Now this really hit me and on the drive home I pondered the "why."
This is the conclusion that I came up with...
For the past month or two the Lord has been challenging me to REMEMBER. He's been bringing things up from my past, the good and the not-so-good. I've even been going through old pictures and reading old journals to help with the process (just being obedient). He's been showing me that the girl I was growing up, the girl that I have tried so hard to put off dare I fall into foolish ways, wasn't so bad. He's been opening my eyes to the good qualities that I had. The person I am now needs to be re-united with the person I was. In the maturing process I lost sight of the girl I am. But as I have grown older, I have obtained a little bit of knowledge, understanding and some wisdom to balance out the flaky and immature areas of my past. The girl I am now has allowed her mind to lead in most things. The girl I was, was all heart (kinda like the contrast between the Tin Man and the Scarecrow on "The Wizard of Oz," hahaha). I was passionate about...everything!
But you see, I am unable to truly be free if led by either.
SO, when Colin said that he had never seen me jump before, really got me because I use to be so expressive. But I have learned to supress that side of me a bit so that I would be "acceptable." Oh what a silly girl I am.
I am an extrovert. I love people! Being around people energizes me. Now I tend to get so insecure and self-conscious. Uhem, uhem...pride! I was fearless growing up because I didn't know there were things to be feared.
NOW, as I've been REMEMBERING things from my past and I've become stirred up...it's like I'm fanning a flame. Passions are being reignited.
For so long I have been feeling so discombobulated. But now it's like my heart and head are forming an alliance!
I'm feeling more FREE, COMPLETE and CONFIDENT than I ever have in my life. It's been an amazing journey of discovery! I've loved every minute of it.
So, don't be surprised I guess, if you see me hopping and skipping about...I'm just embracing the person I am...a free-spirited soul and proud of it. :)